There is a WILD phenomenon out there that drives me absolutely nuts: coffee shops having (apparently) no idea how to make a hot chocolate. More often than not, you order a hot chocolate and you get a cup of warm milk with a dusting of cocoa powder on top. I genuinely have no idea how they can pass this off as hot chocolate. Does no one taste test them? How do they even make them?? WHY ARE THEY SO BAD?! There’s rarely even a hint of chocolate flavour, let alone any sweetness or richness. It baffles me.
As a non-coffee drinker, hot chocolate is my go-to warm treaty and I’m tired of being disappointed. So I’ve embarked on a mission to uncover the finest cocoa concoctions across the globe. Welcome to my ever-expanding global hot chocolate rankings, where I leave no sip untested and no disappointment unspoken.
And no, this isn’t your average hot chocolate review. This is not sponsored by anyone, and I am under no obligation to be nice. This is a relentless quest for the real deal, an exploration that doesn’t shy away from candid criticism. It’s time to call out the imposters and celebrate the true champions of this cherished beverage. Your taste buds deserve nothing less than perfection, and I’m on a mission to separate the sublime from the mediocre. The hunt for the ultimate hot chocolate begins now, and I promise, there will be no sugarcoating the truth.
The scale?
- Excellent.
This is for hot chocolates that actually taste like chocolate. For a drink I would go back and have again happily. - Pretty good
This is for the ones that do resemble chocolate, but aren’t quite perfect. - Warm milk
The worst offenders. The stuff for cats in cartoons.
Rankings:
| Name | Location | Ranking | Notes |
| Starbucks | Everywhere | Excellent. | Consistent. |
| JK Bakery Cafe | Canmore, AB | Warm milk | Cute latte art? |
| EPICanmore | Canmore, AB | Warm milk | Great pastries tho |
| Hourglass | Perth, ON | Pretty good | Biked there so it hit extra hard |
| Home Plate | San Fran, CA | Excellent. | Good brunch too! |
| Maverik’s | Western USA | Excellent. | It’s a gas station |
| The Grove Cafe | Kitchener, ON | Warm milk | Excellent cookies |
| Zaro’s | Newark, NJ | Warm milk | Like really bad warm milk |
| Café & Conditorei 1842 | Zurich, Switzerland | Excellent. | Amazing pastries too! |
| Fanfare | Montreal, QC | Warm milk | The brunch here is AMAZING. Just order a different drink |
| Palmier | Chelsea, QC | Excellent. | Prime location for a bike/ski and then cafe stop. |
List to be expanded as I remember past drinks and visit new coffee shops. Stay tuned!
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